Decisions, Decisions: an analogy of the risk factors

Many people who have read about Angelina's preventative surgery or halfway listen to the news think that her actions were too drastic.  A publicity stunt.  I want to scream, "NO!  That's what every doctor I've ever talked to since 2008 has recommended.  She's doing something hard.  These preventative  surgeries virtually guarantee that she won't die from this.  She is my hero.  She gives me hope."  Perhaps an analogy will help clear things up.

Let's say that you get the news that your daily commute to work is not as safe as you thought it was.  You get a notice that tells you if you continue on this road you have an 87% chance of getting hit by a bus (breast cancer) or 44% chance of getting hit by a train (ovarian cancer).  Reading between the lines you recognize that these may not kill you, but man that's pretty high!  Especially since my sister got hit 36 minutes into her drive and my dad at 50.  The memo also indicates that you have the option of taking a detour route that lowers your risk down to 2% of ever having an accident. 

The thing is that road is full of pot holes, bumpy, takes longer, is uncomfortable, and you are the only one driving that way.  Plus, you have to take your three children ages five and under in the car with you.  Sound fun?  Besides all this you see everyone else gets to use the freeway.  Surely, there are accidents for them as well, but not nearly as high a risk. 

For a moment, you consider just getting extra mirrors, keeping tuned to the traffic reports, etc.  But, the memo clearly indicates that these measures may make you feel safer but are not proven to to decrease the  likelihood of the train scenario under it is like right over your shoulder (ovarian screening measure of ultrasounds and CA-125 have lots of false positives AND negatives). 

You think, "I just started my drive.  I'm going to be extra careful and wait for a while."  You drive like this for 8 years.  It slowly makes you go crazy because there are enough close calls and blind spots to make your previously care-free commute become a white-knuckled stress fest.

Enough.  I have had this heaviness for long enough.  When someone gives you a chance for another route, YOU TAKE THE DETOUR!  After surgery, I'll be down to 2% risk!!! I'll take those odds, thanks. This is the intersection I now find myself in.  I'm about to take the off ramp onto this hard bumpy, lonely road, but I will make it on the other side ensuring my safety.   My children and husband have me around for a long time to come. 

I think about all the other medical problems people have in their families.  Some have ALS (no cure),  some have an unexpected head injury that handicaps them for life, etc.  I have a unique hand dealt to me.   This gene is a vastly studied area within breast cancer research.  I feel blessed to have a choice BEFORE getting sick. I have a chance to stay well.  Knowledge is empowering and crippling all mixed into one.  It's time though. It's time.

So for anyone who misunderstands, this decision has been a tough thing to live and wrestle with.  I do this for me.  I do this for my family.  It takes courage to have major surgery and reconstruction when you aren't even sick.  But, as any mother of young children knows, I have NO TIME to get sick do chemo on top of surgery, have it reoccur, and possibly need radiation that would complicate the reconstruction process.   I have an 87% chance of needing this surgery anyway.  I might as well skip a vast majority of the other junk, right?  That's how I see it.  I get to do this on my own terms right now.

This is NOT a simple "boob job"  with health benefits. It is full on double mastectomies my friends.  I'm not getting implants and having tissue expanders for months because I am vain.  I want to look somewhat normal for the vast majority of years I have left.  No matter how they turn out, they are "foobs" (fake boobs).  They won't look or feel the same.  By journaling and living for the past 8 years with this fact, I've finally come to terms with this.  Thank you for reading, understanding and supporting me through this.