I remember one fall season when my sister was recovering from cancer, and I had no idea I was BRCA1 positive, two dear graduate school wanted me to run a 5k with them. It was for breast cancer and they thought that I would be excited to join them since it was so relevant in my life at the moment. I wasn't.
Let me be clear. I have the utmost gratitude and respect for all cancer and breast cancer organizations. I hate October though. It just reminds me vividly more than any other time that I could be next. It reminds me that I have such a high risk, that I could have chemo, or be bald young mother wondering if I will live to see my kids grow up. Have I done enough? What about how poorly I am able to take care of myself with three young children? I should exercise more, drink green smoothies, get a full 8 hours of rest, but that seems impossible. I'm living moment to moment in my life many days.
I think when I've come out on the other side, this may change. I know many gain strength from October. This is not true for me yet. I hope it will be a welcome change in the future.
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